Let me start off by saying that this blog post is not meant as advice. Because if it were advice, the sheer magnitude of my hypocrisy would create a tear in the space-time continuum, and we’d all die. And while I’m all for causing the downfall of humanity, it’s not the right time. Yet.
Maybe it’s just me, but it sure seems like 95% of the blogs out there are complete and utter shit, although not for the reasons you probably think I mean. I’m not even counting blogs that have original-but-stupid ideas and opinions. I’m talking specifically about the blogs that have created an entire following around giving people advice that isn’t really advice.
“If you want to get more customers, you have to get their attention first!” No shit, sherlock.
“If you want to convert users to customers, you have to give them something of value.” Thanks, Captain Obvious.
“If you want to build your blog readership, write about what you know.”
Are you fucking kidding me? Seriously? (And don’t even get me started on the search engine optimization people.)
I would rather read a blog that I patently disagree with, whose ideas are completely idiotic, than to read a blog that can’t manage a single fucking original thought once in a while. Even if you can’t be right, at least be original for fuck’s sake.
Blogging has turned into a festering cesspool of people who are exalted as brilliant because they say exactly what people already know. “Wow – I couldn’t agree more! He’s so smart!”
And that’s why it works. People like to feel smart, so when others post something they agree with, they feel good that their completely obvious idea has been validated by someone else. Nevermind the fact that it was validated by someone else because it’s COMMON FUCKING SENSE. It’s like watching an episode of Crossing Over with John Edwards. “I’m sensing a name that starts with J…. John… James… Jerry… ”
If the people reading these blogs actually feel like they have stumbled across some hidden nugget of wisdom, they should probably reconsider a career in marketing and start thinking about one that involves a name tag, and memorizing the phrase “Do you want fries with that?”
The only thing that annoys me more than the people who post this drivel are the thousands of people who don’t realize that they are seriously overestimating their own potential, and who only encourage bloggers to post more of this crap by telling them how wise they are.
That, and the irony of these bloggers telling people they need to be original and offer something of value in order to be successful.
It’s created this vile, retarded Ouroboros and it pisses me off.
People have made a career out of telling people what they already know because those people need and desire to be told what they already know. To that effect, I suppose they actually have at least taken their own advice. So that’s something. I guess. It’s become an insidious self-fulfilling prophesy. Jackholes who overstate the obvious become known for their wisdom by the dipshits who only think they’re wise because it wasn’t obvious to them.
Seriously, people. The very best marketers out there are the ones who understand human nature. They understand what makes people feel good, their selfish and petty motivations, their fears. They understand people, and it comes naturally to them.
If you’re not one of those people, find a new fucking career. And for the love of GOD stop blogging.
And stop reading blogs that try to convince you that you’re something more than the utterly average human being you really are. You will never be more than second-rate at your very, very best. On your very best day, you will be about as good at your job as a first year intern. Maybe. If you’re lucky. And if the intern is really high most of the time.
There’s no shame in admitting that marketing doesn’t come naturally to you. And if you’re really dead-set on this as your career path, spend your time reading psychology books, not blog posts by people who are no more qualified to be giving advice than you are. When you understand what motivates people, for good or evil, you become good at marketing. Whether you want to be or not.
If you need someone to tell you that social media only works when you are *social*, you’re a moron. If you believe that anyone who is telling you that you need to create fresh ideas with original thought is actually original or fresh, you’re a moron. And frankly, you deserve each other.
Put down the kool-aid, and go back to doing whatever the fuck it was you were doing for a living before the barrier to entry on the internet became low enough to let you start a blog.
Image credit: Hubspot
