If we started talking about an 8 foot long scorpion, a shark with a circular saw blade built into it’s freaking head, and a horned gopher, you’d be sure we were discussing the next “instant classic” from the SyFy network. But we’re not – these bitches were real.

Right out of a Hieronymus Bosch Furry Convention, these monsters were very real, and for the most part, very badass. Okay, the horned gopher, not so much. But he’s cute, so we’ll give him a pass. And secretly believe he spits corrosive acid and can impale grown men like Vlad. That would be pretty badass.

This article from Weburbanist tells the tale of 14 bizarre monsters that would totally kick our asses if they were still around. Except maybe the gopher. Oh, but there is that corrosive spit. (Not really. Sigh.)

Seriously. We’re not making it up. It’s name is Ceratogaulus Rhinoceros, which sounds very science-y, so it must be true.

For more on these freakshows and additional proof that mother nature is kind of a dick, check out the full article on Weburbanist.

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I’m a tech geek/dev/infosec-nerd/scuba diver/blacksmith/sword-fighter/crime fighter/ENTP/warcrafter/activist. I'm the CTO at Mass Mosaic and the CEO of Grokability, Inc. in San Diego, CA. Tweet at me @snipeyhead or read more...